CONFESSION OF A PROUD GIRL

            I'm a proud person. I don't like to show my flaws  because I don't want others to perceive me as a weak and fragile individual. I want them to see me as someone who is strong and cool. Therefore, I tend to look okay on the outside, but inside is broken and drowning. The consequence of my bad behaviour is that I don't love others sincerely. I'm frustrated with myself for not being able to feel the love of God and show it to the world because I'm consumed with pride. I already knew the truth but doing good deeds sometimes becomes a burden instead of  joy for me. I know that I can't stand to live this way.This must be stopped now.

        Yesterday, after the church service, I approached my sister in Christ. I really thanked God for giving me the courage to open myself and share my weakness and problems with her. I told her that this week was very challenging for me. I felt like a failure and studying became a compelled thing to do. I studied simply because others were studying. There's no joy in it and for sure the knowledge could not be retained. As a result, I was stressed out.

      I think the main reason of me feeling unhappy with myself is my refusal to be humble. My head just gets big. I refused to be humble before God especially. I'm hiding my addictions and hatred from Him. I pretend as if my spiritual life is okay when in reality it's broken. And do you know why it's broken? Because I seldom come to Him with a humble and vulnerable spirit. When we are proud before God, it will be shown in other areas of our life. We dislike others, we are lazy in our studies and people cannot see the joy that comes from God in you! And how can I let others know about God when I am living that way?

      I love one verse in Isaiah that says, "…I live in the high and holy place with those whose spirits are contrite and humble. I restore the crushed spirit of the humble and revive the courage of those with repentant hearts."

     God wants us to come to him with a humble and vulnerable heart. He wants you and me to come to Him with a naked spirit, not hiding anything. This shows that God is longing to have an intimate relationship with us. So what can we do? My sister told me to ask God. Ask him to change our hearts and teach us to love Him genuinely. That is what He wants and I want. Because when we love Him, obeying His will in our life would be our greatest desire. Reading the Bible or singing praises will no longer be a burden, but a joy.

       Therefore my friend, it's okay to put your defences down and be broken before God. Always ask Him to bestow you with a loving heart. Believe that He will heal you. And you better trust Him because when you are madly in love with Him, everything in your life will fall into places perfectly and you will flourish and bear fruits. You will also tend to recover faster from disappointment. And most importantly, remain in Him and He will remain in you.

This verse speaks for itself:
John 15:4   Remain in me and I will remain in you. For a branch cannot produce fruit if it is severed from the vine, and you cannot be fruitful unless you remain in me.

John 15:7   But if you remain in me and my words remain in you, you may ask for anything you want, and it will be granted! When you produce much fruit, you are my true disciples. This brings great glory to my Father.

JUST ASK AND BELIEVE!

May God bless you.